- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

on Halloween Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book