- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

Do you want to see something swell?

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book