Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!