Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

-Get in the Van

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

Five dollar women... WOO!

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

Still a better love story than Twilight

Damn you look good in beer goggles.

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

I love Mark Wahlberg!

Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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