Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!