Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Do you live around here often?

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!