I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!