- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

Nice legs what time do they open

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

Do you have Groupon? wait for response Because you look fucking cheap

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book