How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

thumb_up thumb_down +74

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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