Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Jdkfk

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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jack sanders

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!