Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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You allergic to semen?

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!