-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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You allergic to semen?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!