If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

thumb_up thumb_down +27

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +160

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -136

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +192

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!