Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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I hate you already.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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adam burdass

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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You smell just like my mom...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!