Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +186

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +133

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -27

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +78

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +39

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

thumb_up thumb_down -162

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!