(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -30

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +106

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -84

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!