Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!