I hate you already.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!