Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

You smell just like my mom...

adam burdass

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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