-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

You smell just like my mom...

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

adam burdass

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!