You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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You smell just like my mom...

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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adam burdass

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!