-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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You smell just like my mom...

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!