Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

adam burdass

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!