- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

adam burdass

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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