Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

adam burdass

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

-hey, come here a minute.

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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