- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

Are you from Wales, because...well...

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book