- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

Stable relationships are for horses.

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

Put the lotion on the skin!

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book