Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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You allergic to semen?

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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