A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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