- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Hello children! :D

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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free candy....

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!