- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!