Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!