You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!