He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!