He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!