Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -61

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -39

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -77

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!