Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

thumb_up thumb_down +9

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +3

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -73

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +18

free candy....

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!