man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -73

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +44

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -56

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

thumb_up thumb_down -78

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

thumb_up thumb_down +23

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +11

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down -7

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!