Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

So, you're a girl, huh?

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

I'll punch ya!

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

Whatever I'll just date myself.

I'm desperate, you'll do.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!