2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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