GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!