If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

So, you're a girl, huh?

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

Eat me, I'm organic!

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

My therapist says I should meet new people.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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