Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! *Woman slams man with baseball bat* Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!