You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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free candy....

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!