M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +111

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

thumb_up thumb_down -59

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man at a restaurant (that is out of everything but bar stools and alcoholic drinks): Man: Die monster! You don't belong in this world! Woman: Uh? Oh! Nice tribute to the cheesy Castlevania lines! Man:Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves! Woman: Uh... well with most of you men lacking a spine nowadays... I cant truly disagree with you... Man: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you! Woman: Savior? Who do you think I am? But now I am annoyed *throws glass that breaks* have at you! *slaps man* Man: HYDRO STORM! Throws a flask of water upwards as it breaks on the floor splashing the woman... Woman: NOW I AM ALL WET! YOU MORON! Dont you know me? Man: Man: M-Maria? Uh... What happened? Shaft: Damn you broke free from your spell! But it is too late! Muahahaha! Castlevania has already become a bar! Richter: Well... that's fine to me, as long as Dracula does not STEAL MEN`S SOULS! Shaft: Relax, he is into business now... Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a businessman such as him! Shaft: Seriously! I invite you both at its VIP lounge and free beer to make up for the past mistakes... Richter: Excellent! But now feel my unbridled wrath!!!!! *punches Shaft* Shaft: Ouch! So... are we even now? Richter: Considering the free beer... okay... As they arrived Castle Barlevania they both got drunk and played "vampire killer" at the stage all night... Moral: Not much a Anti-Pick up line you say? Not only did Richter make a fool out of himself, but he also got her wet ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -103

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!