-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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you look like my mother

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!