-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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free candy....

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I think I shit myself

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!