Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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free candy....

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!