Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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free candy....

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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you look like my mother

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!