"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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haha

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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