here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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Morals, greatest weakness revealed!: Doctor doctor! I cannot succeed at... pant pant *shorts shorts* *whine wheeze* at... At... AAAAAARGUUUUUU!!! FUCKING DOCTOR I CANNOT SUCCED AT... THE PAAAAAYNE! MAX PAYNE! BUHUHUHUHU!!! THE PAAAAINYE I CANNOT...SUCCEED AT... Doctor: At what? Shutting the fuck up? AND LEAVE THE HORSHEHEAD NETWORK? Moral: XD I cannot stop laughing, I am crying fucking tears of laughter :)) I was completely not gonna type that but then it spontaneously suddenly idea get! XD Moral: Green thumbs for self irony, this comment shall get one green thumbs ups, and it shall one green thumbs ups get, and the number of thumbs ups shall be one, as one be the number of thumbs ups. Moral: And I have not even said anything Moral: I deserve that green thumb this time! I earned it! SHAAAME YOU DARE SPOILMY GREEN THUMB OF VICTOLY WITH YOUR RED THUMB! SHAAAME! BUILD THE WALL OF FAILURE! FASTER STRONGER HARDER! I CURSE SHAME UPON YOUR SHAME AND BATHE IT IN THE WATER AND FLAMES OF SHAAAAAME! ALL BEFORE I SPrinkle it with small bits of sugar... AND SHAAAAME! LEAVE THE GREEN THUMB ALONE!!!! BUAHUAHAHA! LEAVE IT ALONEEEEEEEEE! Moral: HEEEY HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! I SAID ONE GREEN THUMB! ONE! AND ONLY MINE! SHAME!!!!

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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