roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!