You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

thumb_up thumb_down +49

He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +94

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

thumb_up thumb_down -50

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -41

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -61

http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!