Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!