Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -41

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

thumb_up thumb_down +49

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!