Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!