- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -48

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!