Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -58

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -45

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +43

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -41

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -45

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!