A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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jack sanders

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!