When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

hey you look like a good practice girl.

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

Glass Basketball

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

Get your coat love. I've got a knife

can i take a dump in your mouth?

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

Nice hair, can I pull it?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!