I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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hey bitch

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!