Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

thumb_up thumb_down +70

hey bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -209

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!